Dearest Screenwriters: If you find yourself wanting to give a character a supremely obvious name, please heed my “Mike Teavee is the worst character name ever” Rule, which states as follows:

Roald Dahl can name a character who watches too much television, MIKE TEAVEE, which is pretty much the definition of on the nose, because he’s Roald Dahl. You can’t because you’re not.

-Dan Calvisi

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